NCIS: LA 4x1

"OH MY GOD, you're telling me that giant wall of computers can crack a secret code from Tehran and steal the Iranian info, but IT CAN'T get to google translate to check what it says in Farsi?"

"You should put that on our blog, which exists solely because we hate NCIS:LA but are too lazy to stop watching it.

NCIS: LA

"So someone we don't know who he is died?"

"Well, in fairness, if we learned anyone's names, we might know who he is."

 "That would ruin everything I enjoy about the show!"

KORRA KORRA KORRA KORRA KORRA

"You know what Korra doesn't do real well?"
"Is it wait patiently?"

So when the terrible, terrible movie of Avatar: The Last Airbender was announced, I (like everyone else) got curious and watched the tv show. AND IT WAS SO GOOD. And then Rachel rolled her eyes and was so not into it, until I kind of accidentally watched it for 14 hours in a row on Thanksgiving and she cared against her will, because the fact of the matter is that A:TLA was amazing. It's so well put together that it can pull in basically any skeptic.

Obviously my favorite character is Zuko, because hi, troubled anti-hero with a heart of gold and so many feeeeeeeeeelings. That is kind of my favorite things. But if A:TLA had been around when I was 12 (which I suppose is actually the target audience), my absolute favorite would have been Toph. A seriously badass 14-year-old who yells things like "I'M THE GREATEST EARTH BENDER OF ALL TIME!" and is RIGHT, who can basically beat up everyone and take out a hundred thugs at once, who'd blind but still better able to take care of herself in a fight than anyone else, who's got anger issues but occasional flashes of real insight, and basically WHO IS AWESOME.

So when the creators announced they were doing a sequel series, about an avatar who's a teenage girl who's aggressive and impatient but phenomenally talented, who's basically a super hero in training, set in a world that's a steampunk take on Beijing with jazz-Chinese fusion music, where pro-bending is the sport of choice, and her animal companion is a polar bear-dog, and she wants to help people an do good but accidentally busts shit up, and she's got a wise but harried mentor and some fun kid sidekicks and makes friends with some brothers who include well-meaning comic relief and troubled and brooding and and and and and

THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE AND I WANT THE WHOLE THING RIGHT NOOOOOW I DON'T WANT TO WAIT A WEEK I'M IMPATIENT LIKE KORRA AND THIS IS ALL SO GREAT OMG IT IS THE BEST

NCIS (LA)

NCIS:LA, I am the only person under 50 watching the Gay Adventures of Robin and LL Cool J, and there are a LOT of things wrong with your show.

Bringing back that character that everyone hated and no one missed is NOT a good way to go about solving them. He's the Deana Troi of this show, pls don't bring him back.

Also tech!Willow's hair is getting worse and worse. LOOK IN TO THAT.

I will see it one million times

"Oooh, look, a trailer for Brave!"
"I don't know why I'm not more excited for that. It looks great. But like, what is it about?"
"It's about how she's going to rescue herself."
"But what's the plot?"
"THE PLOT IS THAT THERE'S THIS GIRL AND SHE'S AWESOME. THE GREATEST PLOT EVER."

there's a new boy band thing happening on my couch

Two conversations we have had about One Direction tonight:

"Autocorrect turned 'Harry gives no fucks' to 'Harry gives no ducks.'"

"Well... Does Harry give ducks?"

"I don't know! If he does, they might be secret."

"THAT EXPLAINS HIS HAIR. IT'S FULL OF SECRETS. SECRET DUCKS."

and then later:

"Louis says EVERYTHING like he's the missing kid from Roundhouse. He just... he just YELLS."

"That's his role in the band. He yells things and wears a funny hat."

"Well you NEED that in a boy band, don't you?"

"Yes."

shut up, ben, just shut up, if you don't pick kacie b you don't deserve love

I am very sorry, but I have been watching the Bachelor, and the dates-as-metaphors is out of control.

"With every step we take up this Mayan Temple on our date, I feel we are literally taking a step forward in our relationship."

"You have to jump into a relationship! So we're jumping off the side of this boat into the ocean!"

"You have to face your fears in relationships and just dive in, so we're diving with sharks."

NO. REALLY. THAT WAS A DATE. THEY DOVE WITH SHARKS TO FACE THEIR FEARS, I CAN'T EVEN.

The worst part is they missed the best joke ever. At one point they jumped into a giant cave! BEN JUMPED INTO A GIANT CAVE.  Seriously, if the steps are a step forward and the sharks represent facing your fears, I can only imagine what the giant cave represents on Ben's list of relationship problems.

The Vampire Diaries "Dangerous Liasons"

"Klaus's crush on Stefan remains my favorite part of the Vampire Diaries seasons 2 and 3. He just wants a boyfriend, you guys! All the murder is incidental! He doesn't know any other way to find love!!!"

"I want to watch a TV show about the Originals. They can live in a house and have wacky hijinx and murder the gardener or something."

Ru Paul's Drag Race 4x02

Rick Fox: "She was going for Sex in the City but it was more like Sex in an Alley."

RuPaul: "Oh! Well. I wouldn't turn that down, either."

Rachel: "I love when someone startles RuPaul."

Becky: "But Ru is so fast on her feet. ...on his feet? Ru is so fast on Ru's feet."

Rachel: "There is no pronoun great enough for RuPaul." 

The Vampire Diaries "Dangerous Liasons"

Holy hell a lot of shit went down this week, didn't it? Even for TVD. I am boggled.

It's no Season of the Witch

"So, was the world just really crying out for a Ghost Rider sequel?"

"I only know the first one happened because I read a lot of bad movie blogs."

NCIS: LA

I haven't really been paying attention to this episode, but looked up just in time to see Girl-Who-Wishes-She-Were-Willow explaining, "Suddenly I'm seeing all sorts of blog sites about (Suspect Lady)! It's like someone's doing a massive upload to the net!" Which a) anyone who works with computers would not use the phrase "blog site," and b) I can suss out the meaning, but that's not what a massive upload to the net is.

Then she loaded an image, which, from drama's sake, appeared from the bottom up to slowly reveal the face, instead of top down, like, you know, every actual browser in existence.

I realize none of this is any more ridiculous than anything else on the show, but still, really???

Ru Paul's Drag Race 4x01

AMAZING. I am 100% in for the Rupocalypse this year. None of these queens are on Raja's level but who could be? I'm hoping some of the trashy nonsense and horrible fashion will go away and they'll start really showing what they can do, but in the meantime I love that this show exists. Someone needs to be a better Tyra than Tyra, and Ru is just the man for the job.

Project Runway Allstars ep 4 "Good Taste Tastes Good"

I do not understand how Michael keeps winning things! He seems like a nice guy, and he's a talented sewer, but WHY does he keep WINNING things? Then again, who was better? Rami's was awful, Kenley's was awful, Austin's was boring, and everyone else's was awful because of the time constraint. (Except Mondo. I have never hated anything Mondo has ever done, and I never will, even if it's terrible.)

Anyway, Michael's dress looked like a nightgown. No, it looked like his model woke up late, wrapped ugly sheets around herself, and ran to the runway. Bah.

White Collar 3x12

I kind of forgot to watch this show at all somewhere in the second season and then was pretty meh about getting back into it, but hey, it was on the DVR and nothing was on TV tonight. And I had forgotten: this show is utterly ridiculous, but also delightful. Ridiculightful!

Plusses:
* Matt Bomer's A++ face (why isn't he playing Superman?)
* All of the characters. Neal is fun and adorable (fundorable?), Peter is upstanding but wry, El is great, Mozzie is great, Diana is great. Everyone is great!
* Random scruffy high schooler: he was a little too orange, but was appropriately awkward and endearing.
* Surprise Elizabeth Gillies! She plays the mean girl on Victorious (which makes "mean girl" a relative phrase, they're ALL AWFUL, but she's awful intentionally) and even though I hate Victorious, I enjoy all of the cast members and so I'm pleased to see her getting work on something NON awful. Huzzah!

Anyway. Basically, after all of the "is Neal going to betray Peter???" nonsense that made me roll my eyes and lose interest, this episode was a nice palate cleanser that made me want to start watching again. Well played, White Collar.

And seriously. A++ face, Matt Bomer.

The Social Network

I hated the ad campaign for this movie so much -- the one with the creepy singing children's choir, ugh, ugh, ugh -- that it's taken me this long to getting around to watching it, despite Jesse Eisenberg being my favorite human in Hollywood. But it's actually not particularly dark or creepy or about How Our Generation Will Change The World; it's just kind of about a bunch of rich douches getting richer and douchier. I know Mark is supposed to be the protagonist and the villain of the piece -- Andrew Garfield, you put those big tragic eyes away, sir -- but frankly I thought Mark was pretty logical and Eduardo should have paid more attention to what Mark was telling him all the way through.

The acting*, the soundtrack, and the cinematography were all As Good As Advertised, though. Seriously very enjoyable.

*Except for how Justin Timberlake was always Justin Timberlake, and although he definitely gave it a really good try there were lots of scenes that just featured Justin Timberlake As Himself. Poor kid. Being in an Oscar-nominated movie might be as close as he gets to the big prize.

The Vow

"Who is this giant mumbly dude in The Vow with the big square head? WHOA, that's Channing Tatum?"

"I never know what he looks like. It's like my Jason Sudekis-Ed Helms problem. I'm pretty sure they're the same person, but one of them is in the Hangover."

"Like my Ryan Gosling-James Vanderbeek problem. In fairness, both of their names relate to ducks. How can you not know Channing Tatum; you own The Eagle."

"Right, but... didn't he used to be a dancer? Or a stripper?"

"I think that's a movie he was in."

"No, but I think also in real life he was a dancer? And then he danced in a movie? Or maybe dancer was a euphemism for something. He was a dancer. By which I mean a big ol' stripper. I'm not clear on this."

"Well, he wasn't hired for his enunciation skills."

"No, for the stripping, I think. ...are you writing this down?"