Zombieland

I don't like zombies and I don't like zombie movies or books, but for some reason Jesse Eisenberg's face and also Emma Stone's face I really, really enjoy Zombieland when it's on. I wish FX would stop censoring the swear words but they leave in all the gore and horrible killings and also Woody Harrelson being hilarious and grumpy. The entire cast -- all five people -- are so talented. Sometimes I consider how many awards they have been nominated for or won between them and I'm a little floored.

Also, there's the clip where Abigail Breslin tries to explain Hannah Montana to Woody Harrelson, and I'd watch it just for that part, even if the rest of it wasn't really funny and weirdly sweet.

mornings

This blog is coming out STRONGLY against them.

Silk is for Seduction, Loretta Chase

This book is a delight. I have never not enjoyed a romance novel by Loretta Chase; all her heroines are smart and her heroes are good men. This book is a little bit ridiculous in as much as the ending is SO insanely unlikely, but hey, it does everything I want in a romance novel. He's a nice guy who is both tempermental and bossy without being a total ass; she's got hopes and dreams beyond just getting married. They have more in common than just great sex. The woman he ends up not marrying is also great and spunky and lovely. (I assume this is the first in a series because our heroine has two younger sisters and our hero has a best friend who makes <3__<3 eyes at one of them.) No one forces anyone to have sex or is nasty to anyone or lies to anyone to get them into bed. Just two decent people who fall in love, overcome obstacles, and hook up a lot. Lovely.

Season 5 of Friends

I forgot, because the end of the series got so schmaltzy and every episode was Very Special, that at one point Friends was really funny. Season 5 is the one that starts with Ross's wedding in England falling apart. It's also the one where Monica and Chandler start hooking up and sneaking around and it's FANTASTIC.

Revenge

When did Nolan become one of my favorite characters? Hmm. Not in the first episode, when he seemed vaguely douchey toward Emily, but somewhere in 2 or 3 when it was clear he was kind of a dork who was super excited about helping her get REVENGE. (You must always shout REVENGE!!! preferably while shaking your fist at the sky. God, I love this show.)

Here is a great article on the clothing choices the show has made for Nolan and why they are amazing. I'm so glad they didn't dress him like Mark Zuckerberg just because he's a dot-com billionaire. (Although does he ever go to work? Or shareholders meetings? Or design software, or what have you? He seems to just hang out in the Hamptons hooking up with people for REVENGE!!!!  PS, dear show: please give him a grudge against Zuckerberg and a REVENGE!!!!!!!! plot of his own.)

Mindy Kaling's book

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

This book made me the crazy giggling person on the subway all day today. IT'S SO GREAT. It's the kind of book where you repeatedly have to say, "Hey, COME HERE AND READ THIS PAGE. Hee hee hee. Hilarious, right? No, you can't have my book; go get your own." Go and read it immediately. You will love it. Then you will want to hang out with Mindy and be her best friend but I will totally fight you for it.

Project Runway

I have officially broken up with this show. I loved you, Jay and Austin and Mondo and Santino and Tim Gunn, I loved you MOST OF ALL. :( But this finale was bullshit and it was obviously bullshit from very beginning.

I will never trust this show again.

NCIS (LA)

"Sam? That guy's name is Sam?"

"We've been watching this show for two years."

"And I don't know anyone's name! Well. Deeks. And Kenzie. And LL Cool J. And Robin."

"LL Cool J's name is Sam."

"...LL Cool Sam?"

"Sam Cool J?"

"This episode is weird. Was LL Cool Sam like 'I can juggle and do card tricks! Put it in the episode or I quit!!!'?"

"Apparently."

"Does that girl have a name besides 'Wishes She Was Willow From Buffy?'"

"Yeah, but I forget what it is. There was an episode where she and Eric--"

"WAIT, WHO IS ERIC?"

"Headphones guy."

"Oh, Glasses McPlaidShirt?"

"We've been watching this show for two years."

"Yeah, it's not very good."

NCIS (original flavor)

This is the dumbest episode of NCIS ever. It isn't even over yet and I need to complain about it.

Remember when McGee had a random girlfriend and she turned out to be the killer?

Remember when Abby had a new lab tech and he turned out to be the killer?

Remember when Tony dated that one chick that whole season and she turned out to be [spoiler redacted]?

My point is, this entire episode is about Ducky's new girlfriend, and GUESS WHO SHE TURNS OUT TO BE? Oh my god, this is so dumb. Ducky is a PSYCHOLOGIST. SURELY HE WOULD NOTICE IF HE WAS DATING A MURDERER. And then DRAMATIC SHATTERED MIRROR shots to represent HER FRACTURED SOUL. Oh my god this is the dumbest dumb that ever dumbed.

Anyway, because that is too dumb to complain about any more, we made a list of characters on NCIS who are allowed to have sex, from most sex to least sex:

Gibs: all he wants
Ziva: all she wants
Abbie: all she wants
Ducky: sure! why not?
McGee: Uh... well, I guess so. Why not?
Tony: No. Not until he learns not to be a douche. (Remember that season where he grew as a character? That was such a good season.) Unless it's with Tim or something. Then it's okay. Assuming he learns a lesson about not being a douche.

...I have no idea if Jimmy Palmer can have sex. I'm leaning toward no, as somehow 150 years into the show he is still 12.

Revenge 1x05

Are you watching Revenge? Why aren't you watching Revenge? It's so deliciously full of Revenge! Everything about it is magically delicious, particularly Emily Van Camp's hair.

Ringer

"I think this show is bad at exposition."
"I think this show is bad at everything except hiring Jason Dohring."

I mean, as long as Logan Echolls is there, looking hot in a button-up shirt, I'm going to watch. But ugh, this show is no Revenge.

The Vampire Diaries

Continues its streak of greatness! In last week's episode nearly every member of the cast died. (Some were resurrected, revived through CPR, or are vampires who can be murdered pretty freely.) This week a ghost came back, then almost immediately was banished forever. A good guy became a bad guy then became a good guy again THEN was turned evil. The bad brother is having to be the good guy and the good brother is now hilariously evil. And Caroline continues to be the greatest Caroline of all.

But here's what I really love about TVD: Elena, our heroine, on any other show would be awful. She's in love with a vampire; she believes True Love will reform him, she just wants to be a normal girl, blah blah blah, right? No. On TVD Elana gets herself into danger to lure her vampire boyfriend out.... so Ric can shoot him. Then, when he gets to be kind of snappy and snarky and rude to her, she FUCKING STABS HIM. While still being a sad teenage girl who loves her evil vampire boyfriend.

Bella Swan, eat your heart out.

Parks and Rec 4x04

That was the most perfect half hour of television I've ever seen, I think. I cried with laughter, then I got choked up with genuine affection for these people.

On a traditional sitcom Leslie's "Pawnee Goddesses" would have been competing with the boys group, and it would have been an escalating prank war. Instead, she's awesome and competent, and her little girls are awesome and amazing. They are awesome little people with opinions and ideas and they insist that Leslie be as great as she ought to be. Plus, Aziz Ansari's face is great, and I want to marry Ben Wyatt. His plotline left me hyperventilating and laughing so hard I cried.

I want a Gertrude Stein. And I want to live in this episode.

Community 3x04

That episode... Uh, it didn't work for me at all (with the exception of the tag. The tag was brilliant. I want to live in that tag.) There were a couple of laughs but that is not at all why I tune in. It's usually sharper, sassier, more ironic and winking and that felt like...

Okay, when you do a multiple universes episode (or a time loop episode) the joy is looking at what changed or what went differently each time. But almost everything repeated and the stuff that repeated mostly wasn't funny. Jeff banged his head. Annie was worried. They kissed or didn't. Britta got high. Shirley made a pie. Pierce mentioned that he banged Eartha Kitt. And... that was it. There was no deep revelation of what different permutations of the group showed, no wry pop-culture references, no jokes, even, really. The only timeline that was really funny was the one where everyone died, and they waited for the tag to really take that joke home. And I guess at the end they sort of implied that everyone's happier without Jeff, which is a joke we've seen before.

Can I just watch the adventures of Evil Troy and Evil Abed, please? They seem to be actually on the road to doing something and being funny.

conversation

"You should write up Newsies for the blog!"

"I did. Like three days ago."

"What?! No you didn't, I checked it!"

"Not very hard, I guess."

"Don't judge how hard I check things."

"I judge. And I'm typing this up."

The Avengers (trailer)

So! As every single site on the internet has seen fit to inform me, the new trailer for Marvel's Avengers is out today!

As close as I can tell, it features Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Hulk, some guy with a bow, the chick in black leather from Iron Man 2: Metallic Boogaloo, and Samuel L. Jackson teaming up to fight… something, possibly Loki (I haven't actually seen Thor, but that's the impression I get).

The trailer shows that Marvel seems aware of what people particularly liked about each of its lead-in movies. The dialogue is about 70% Iron Man bantering, and the trailer also features Captain America looking adorably sincere and Thor looking like a shampoo model, plus rather a lot of explosions. So it plays to the franchise's established strengths, and, assuming the movie itself is in the same tone as the trailer, it looks like it'll be a blockbusting good time.

That said, the major tag line ("If we can't protect the earth, you can be damn sure we'll avenge it,") doesn't land. I know it's trying to establish why, exactly, the movie (and presumably the superhero team within) is called The Avengers, but all I can think is, Tony, if you have failed to protect the earth, where will you be standing when you take these avenging actions, outer space?

Then again, he's Tony Stark. He probably can avenge things from outer space.

Judgment: exciting.

Newsies (stage show)

After 20 years, the 1992 theatrical-flop-but-cult-classic-on-DVD movie Newsies has been adapted into a stage show. I saw it with equal parts trepidation (because I love love love the movie, and how could anything live up to that?) and excitement (because boys! singing and dancing! wearing suspenders! yay!), and am pleased to say I judge it: super enjoyable.

The biggest change to stage version (proper, full title: Disney's Newsies The Musical) is the new character, Katherine, who combines the roles of helpful reporter friend and love interest. She stretches believability a little much, but she's also enjoyably sassy and gets to lead a giant tap number, which I heartily approve of. The downside is that by beefing up the romantic role and making it the primary emotional relationship of the show, David's role gets downplayed and his character development is gone entirely. (Jack's emotional arch is actually somewhat scattered and all over the place.)

Overall, the show does a lot with a small cast and the set design is great. It's energetic and fun, and with the addition of new songs plus major changes to most of the original songs, it stays far enough from the movie that it doesn't suffer by comparison, but is close enough in content and tone that it it's still a strong adaptation that folks who love the original can get a kick out of seeing it on stage.

Patrick Stump's New Album

Soul Punk. Patrick Stump is definitely my musical soulmate and once at a concert he sort of waved at me and I might have died, so I've been looking forward to this (and listening to Oh! Nostalgia on repeat) for months. (The album's not out for another 8 days so obviously don't read this if you're worried about album spoilers, if those are even a thing.)

Explode -- what is this computerized nonsense???? my brain demanded, until eventually the handclaps started up. I'm going to have a little bit of a learning curve learning to love this.

This City -- Instantly catchy, I fell asleep with it stuck in my head after hearing it once. Brilliant single, so good.

Dance Miserable -- Hey there, ghost of Michael Jackson, how do you feel about being on this album? This is the essence of what Patrick's solo stuff sonds like; a little bit of soul, a lot of synth, layers and layers of vocals. (The spoke-word bit in the middle is HILARIOUS. Maybe I will grow in to loving it like I do with Britney songs.)

Spotlight (new regrets) -- I guess this mix goes better on the album but I am so madly in love with the other version that it's hard for me to adjust. It's less purely joyous than the other remix, I think, and that joy is my favorite thing about the other version. This is dancier, that one is singier. I... will need some time.

The "I" in Lie -- This starts off as pure Prince and then calms down a little bit but BOY is there a lot of Prince in the verses. Wow. (Also, when we are married he won't cheat.)

Run Dry (x Heart x Fingers) -- HANDCLAPS. I am such a sucker for handclaps -- ask me about the latest Panic! at the Disco album if you would like to hear more on my thesis that More Handclaps Is Always Better. You probably don't want to do that. Anyway this is funky and fun and doesn't overtly sound like anyone Patrick idolizes. ...okay, the "Step One... Step Two..." thing is a tiny bit NKOTB, but that's coincidental, right? I am totally in favor of all his steps, by the way. Also, the song JUST GETS MORE AWESOME as it goes along.

Greed -- Syncopation! Nice. It makes me want to join a marching band or a step team or something. It's also the second overtly political song. Apparently Patrick has a lot of ~feelings.

Everybody Wants Somebody -- Patrick sounds like Fall Out Boy!Patrick here, even though the music isn't particularly FOB-y. This is also the point where I started thinking about how much the songs blend into each other and how much this is clearly an album, not a set of singles.

Allie -- 90s grunge rock! ...wait, not really. Prince covers Def Leppard. (I know they aren't 90s.) GUITAR SOLO.

Coast (It's gonna get better) -- I... forgot this was on? Listen, I was really distracted by tumblr for a minute.

This City (feat. Lupe Fiasco) -- I love this song already and how could anything NOT be better with Lupe? Patrick LOVES a key change for big effect at the end of a song (he loves a tempo change, too).

Bad Side of 25 -- Sometimes I forget how young Patrick is. Honey, the bad side of 25 is the YOUNGER side, I assure you. Things get way better after that. Anyway: more guitar solos, catchy chorus, and it doesn't sound entirely like computers wrote it. Yay!

People Never Done A Good Thing -- more politics (I don't disagree, I'm just sort of surprised to hear so much of it). And another song that sort of slips into the songs around it.

When I Made You Cry -- 80s synth by way of Michael Jackson

Mad At Nothing -- finally a ballad. Well, kind of a ballad (there are still lots of synth drum beats going on). It's weird how this album lacks a lot of Patrick's skill at emoting and singing his heart out. He's a great soul singer but he's also a GREAT balladeer.

The Vampire Diaries (season 3)

So far this season has been FLAWLESS. Just when I was thinking, "The only way this could POSSIBLY be better is if Caroline kicked Damon's ass" guess what happened? Otherwise it has been a non-stop roller coaster of amazing plot twists, new characters, crazy shit happening, Caroline being amazing, Elena being amazing, Katherine being MORE than amazing, and I guess some vampire boys show up now and then too.

50/50

Awesome acting, super predictable plot. JGL couldn't be more of a method-actor's method actor, he is excellent at everything. Seth Rogen was surprisingly hilarious and Anna Kendrick was just the right combination of adorable and supremely awkward. I wish the movie wasn't quite so blatant in its wish fulfillment ending and I wish we'd been given any sort of reason why the main character had his initial girlfriend beyond "she's hot" because she's set up as obviously flaky and awful from the very first moment she appears.

Modern Family

We might be breaking up this season. I'm a little tired of the gay couple always being played as so ridiculous with no depth at all, but more importantly, the season premiere really upset me. The B plot featured the nerdy daughter being harassed by a boy. He called her "beautiful" and she asked him not to. He followed her around and she asked him not to. Then he kissed her and she told him not to, but it was played for laughs and "isn't this so cute"? Because obviously every girl who says "please don't touch me" means "please touch me! I'm just being a girl who can't admit her true feelings!" It's supposed to be a sweet moment but it creeped me out.

Less of that, please, Modern Family. More Sofia Vergara being hilarious.

Our cat...

...is the worst.



She's also the prettiest, though.

Moneyball

is great. Brad Pitt plays Brad Pitt in a movie about baseball! Jonah Hill is the movie's MVP except maybe for Chris Pratt, who I love in everything anyway.