shut up, ben, just shut up, if you don't pick kacie b you don't deserve love

I am very sorry, but I have been watching the Bachelor, and the dates-as-metaphors is out of control.

"With every step we take up this Mayan Temple on our date, I feel we are literally taking a step forward in our relationship."

"You have to jump into a relationship! So we're jumping off the side of this boat into the ocean!"

"You have to face your fears in relationships and just dive in, so we're diving with sharks."

NO. REALLY. THAT WAS A DATE. THEY DOVE WITH SHARKS TO FACE THEIR FEARS, I CAN'T EVEN.

The worst part is they missed the best joke ever. At one point they jumped into a giant cave! BEN JUMPED INTO A GIANT CAVE.  Seriously, if the steps are a step forward and the sharks represent facing your fears, I can only imagine what the giant cave represents on Ben's list of relationship problems.

The Vampire Diaries "Dangerous Liasons"

"Klaus's crush on Stefan remains my favorite part of the Vampire Diaries seasons 2 and 3. He just wants a boyfriend, you guys! All the murder is incidental! He doesn't know any other way to find love!!!"

"I want to watch a TV show about the Originals. They can live in a house and have wacky hijinx and murder the gardener or something."

Ru Paul's Drag Race 4x02

Rick Fox: "She was going for Sex in the City but it was more like Sex in an Alley."

RuPaul: "Oh! Well. I wouldn't turn that down, either."

Rachel: "I love when someone startles RuPaul."

Becky: "But Ru is so fast on her feet. ...on his feet? Ru is so fast on Ru's feet."

Rachel: "There is no pronoun great enough for RuPaul." 

The Vampire Diaries "Dangerous Liasons"

Holy hell a lot of shit went down this week, didn't it? Even for TVD. I am boggled.

It's no Season of the Witch

"So, was the world just really crying out for a Ghost Rider sequel?"

"I only know the first one happened because I read a lot of bad movie blogs."