NCIS (original flavor)

This is the dumbest episode of NCIS ever. It isn't even over yet and I need to complain about it.

Remember when McGee had a random girlfriend and she turned out to be the killer?

Remember when Abby had a new lab tech and he turned out to be the killer?

Remember when Tony dated that one chick that whole season and she turned out to be [spoiler redacted]?

My point is, this entire episode is about Ducky's new girlfriend, and GUESS WHO SHE TURNS OUT TO BE? Oh my god, this is so dumb. Ducky is a PSYCHOLOGIST. SURELY HE WOULD NOTICE IF HE WAS DATING A MURDERER. And then DRAMATIC SHATTERED MIRROR shots to represent HER FRACTURED SOUL. Oh my god this is the dumbest dumb that ever dumbed.

Anyway, because that is too dumb to complain about any more, we made a list of characters on NCIS who are allowed to have sex, from most sex to least sex:

Gibs: all he wants
Ziva: all she wants
Abbie: all she wants
Ducky: sure! why not?
McGee: Uh... well, I guess so. Why not?
Tony: No. Not until he learns not to be a douche. (Remember that season where he grew as a character? That was such a good season.) Unless it's with Tim or something. Then it's okay. Assuming he learns a lesson about not being a douche.

...I have no idea if Jimmy Palmer can have sex. I'm leaning toward no, as somehow 150 years into the show he is still 12.